​- Hello, love. Have you come?
– Hi. I smile and bite lips, late for two minutes. She hates when somebody is late.
– Take a sit, dear. How are you?
– I’m great. I’m feeling relief after yesterday visit. Thanks! And I am preparing that infusion you recommended.
– ‘Umnitsa!’ she pronounces in Russian. OK, my love. Give a sec. and I am all yours!

My dentist, Marina: fluffy, red hair woman in her 50s, with Georgian-Russian vocabulary, curious, punctual as hell, super positive and strict towards the patients like me (when I first visited her, she replaced a dental suction in my mouth and left me alone. I did not feel comfortable almost lie on a chair with a plastic stick in my mouse and she has left me for few seconds… And I put back the dental suction on her table (I believed it would be fine). She went crazy when came back. Probably, could not believe how ‘such a big girl dared to do that’ (surely, I would not do the same if she left me with a needle). Actually, the case is that I expected her to tell me the procedures she was going to do on me (since that we always have descriptive moments before she starts treating me, we both are fine now!). 

Greeting scene is almost always identical.

I took a sit on a special chair – a full view of my 16-floor building from the clinic window. Grey building, with white windows, laundries hanging nearby on each floor making it colourful.

I scanned the situation in a second and realized, ‘Godnes, I’ve not even asked how she is, how was her previous day (as we meet early morning), how she feels.

She entered the room. 

– And how are you?
– Oh, love. I have buried the second family member yesterday. The previous was 17 days ago. ‘Panimaesh?!’ She asks in Russian and I saw her facial muscles started shaking. Assembled white gloves.

I as the worst in situations when need to support somebody verbally tried to express all my sadness through my eyes and voice intonation. 

– Marina, I’m so sorry.
– Two people in 17 days. ‘Panimaesh?!’ She repeats.
– So sad. I say and then all the mountain of thoughts started rising in my mind.

How is she now emotionally? How does she feel? Is she OK? She cannot be emotionally balanced! She might be mentally dis-balanced. She cannot make now wise decisions.

art

I was not selfish. I went crazy, literally. Or, probably, not me but it’s she! She did not make an anesthesia, but worked on my tooth. Two hours. She made me feel in a horror movie. I had tears from pain dropping on my face. No, this is enough. I started moving. She caught my head and said ‘either stop or I will let you go as you are’.’ I can keep this, I am strong!’ repeated to myself but I cannot even breath when she lean on my chest and I was in my PMSthis is something only girls will understand.

She pulled back the chair, I was in a position lying as almost in a bed. Stareing on spots in the ceiling. Yeah, I know, it was a problematic situation with my tooth but still she could be a bit nicer, no?!

During my Erasmus exchange in my beloved Ireland I had a super creative class of script writing. Sometimes when I feel inspired and bored by the conditions at the same time, I build the story. So, I built a story from Marina.

I was thinking, what if after yesterday she went crazy, got insane and this is a reason why treats me so much sadistically. What if she kills me here or worse damages me somehow, leaves me disable so that nobody ever get what she has done to me. But one day somehow I rise up like DiCaprio’s almost dead character manages in ‘The Revenant‘ and defeat the evil. So, I was a hero there. 

Then fed up by suffering about my movie ideas and came back to her, realized she has got a trouble, serious one. She got sweat, anxious and aggressive not towards me but my tooth. 

I again felt sorry for her recent experiences and thought government should implement policies for supporting maintaining the mental health when special conditions and give free days employees.

‘Umnitsa’, ‘umnitsa. She repeated at the end. I believed she made an economy for medicine. I survived and stay alive.

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